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True Blood: You Smell Like Dinner Review

7:13 PM Posted by DarknessFalls

Previously on True Blood: Sookie escaped from the faux-heaven of Fairyland, and finds that she's been gone a year. Jason sold Sookie's house ... to Eric. Bill is the new King of Louisiana. Lafayette and Jesus have joined a coven of witches, who managed to revive a parrot. Jason got shoved in an ice box. Sam has started a shape-shifter support group. Oh and by the way, Tara is a lesbian who's run off to live in New Orleans.
Watch out, spoilers ahead!

Is someone lickin' my head? - Jason
Jason wakes up tied to an unsanitary looking bed. Timbo is licking the wound on Jason's head as another of the Hotshot kids looks on. Suddenly, Felton bursts into the room and waves his shotgun in Jason's face.

This is no way to treat your new landlord. - Eric
Eric chases Sookie down the stairs and Sookie demands that he leave, but Eric owns the house now and implies that he wants to own Sookie too. He offers to protect Sookie from the other vampires, saying that he cares about her.

And what do you think's gonna happen when I do come to grips with it? Do you think my legs are just gonna magically open for you? - Sookie

For a couple seconds at most, but it was spectacular. - Katarina
Bill is in his new office with one of the girls from the coven, Katarina. She explains to him that they managed to revive the parrot and he says that it's too dangerous for her to spy for him anymore.

Welcome to vampire night life ... post Russell Edgington. - Pam
Pam is watching the protestors outside of Fangtasia as they chant “Steve Newlin’s right you’re devils of the night." Jessica and Hoyt come outside and Hoyt screams at the protestors. One of the protestors is recording them with his phone, so Pam and Jessica can't do anything when Hoyt gets into a fight with one of the protestors.

Technology has taken all the fun out of being a vampire. - Pam

I was watching you, ya know. - Sam
Sam catches up with Luna after a run in the form of horses. Sam comes on to Luna, but when they get close to kissing, Luna shifts into the form of a horse and runs off.

King ... King Bill? - Sookie
Sookie goes to see Bill at his new mansion, but is stopped by the security team as they tell her that nobody who isn't on the manifest gets to see the king. Bill is inside having sex with Katarina, whose blood he just drank. After confirming her identity, Sookie is allowed in and she walks in on Bill and Katarina getting dressed. Bill awkwardly tells Sookie that Katarina is part of his security.

Black magic? - Jesus
Jesus thinks reviving the bird was cool, but Lafayette thinks that it's black magic. Jesus tells him that he doesn't believe in black magic, and that it all depends on the practitioner. If the practitioner's soul is black, it's black magic; and if the practitioner's soul is light, it's white magic. Jesus tells Lafayette not to worry, because he knows that his soul is light.

I did not want to come here tonight, but I'm scared and I don't want to be his. - Sookie
Sookie tells Bill that she doesn't want to belong to Eric. She tries to convince him to force Eric to sell her back the house, but Bill says that he doesn't have the power to do that. Sookie asks Bill how he became kind, but then decides that she doesn't want to know and leaves.

Another pint mate? - Punk bartender
Punk Bill
There's a flashback of when Bill was posing as a punk rocker in London in 1982. He convinces the male bartender to have a drink with him and takes him outside to drink his blood and then glamors him to make him forget. Nan shows up and asks why Bill doesn't kill his prey, he replies that "they might be dinner, but they don’t deserve to die." Nan tells him of a future where vampires are main stream and about the scientists, including Louis Pasteur, working on synthetic blood. She says that they need vampires to infiltrate the monarchies. Nan asks Bill if he's in or out.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry. - Sookie
Sookie is working at Merlotte's and apologizes to Sam when he comes in for making him worry. She also promises to tell him where she went when it's safe for her to do so. Terry and Arlene come in with the baby because they couldn't find a sitter. Sookie casually says that the baby is an old soul and Arlene gets unreasonably angry and walks off. Terry attributes the outburst to a lack of sleep.

Get rid of him, I don't care how. - Felton
Andy shows up in Hotshot and Felton tells Timbo to get rid of him. Crystal comes to see Jason hopped up on V, rips a piece of his shirt off and stuffs it in his mouth to keep him quiet. She says she has a plan so that they can be together, but if the cop hears, it'll be ruined. Jason yells out and Timbo tells Andy it's a couple of old dogs fighting. Then Crystal holds a knife to Jason's throat to shut him up. Felton sees that Andy is on V withdraw and has an elderly Hotshot resident give Andy a bottle of V, Andy spews off something about putting it in evidence and leaves.

Ain't you supposed to be in school? - Sam
Sam goes into his office to find Luna sitting in one of the chairs. He says that if he had had a teacher like her he might of made it past the 9th grade. She says that she wants to open up to him. They kiss passionately and she asks if he's coming out tonight. He says he is and walks her out. Tommy is sitting in the dinning area and says that his friend smells pretty, asking who she is. Sam tells Tommy to smell his own friends.

And had I known this chair was so difficult to seduce you from I would have waited for you standing. - Luna

You're rotten to the core, just like your daddy was. - Arlene
Terry is talking about watching a movie after work with Arlene. Arlene is staring at the baby when her eye goes bloodshot. She immediately blames it on the baby and says that it's rotten to the core. After Arlene storms off, Terry comforts the baby and tells it that neither he nor the baby are rotten.

I thought you were dead. - Tara
Sookie comes home and Tara comes running to surprise her, but Sookie sees the evil fairies and drops her groceries. Tara tells Sookie that she's been in New Orleans; and Sookie tells Tara that she's been on business for Bill, but that they aren't back together. They pick up the groceries and go inside to catch up. Eric has had the door fixed, it has a note on it that says "Out with the old ..." and on the table in the kitchen they find a microwave with a note on it that says "... In with the new. You like?" Sookie insists that she doesn't like it. Tara questions Sookie, guessing that the gifts are from Bill, but Sookie tells her that they're from Eric. Sookie tells Tara that she isn't with Eric, but Eric bought her house while she was away. Sookie finds a container of blood in the refrigerator, which she pours out.

Psychopathic frat boy ... - Sookie

It's Bon Temps Sook, ain't like I expected a red fuckin' carpet. - Tara
Sookie apologizes for the homecoming Tara is having and Tara says that she didn't expect a red carpet. They decide to eat ice cream and Sookie goes to find blankets. In the living room she finds a new armoire, which she decides to keep, but when she opens it she discovers that it's a cubby for Eric.

Well, I've melted all the fruits and vegetables we have in the place. - Hoyt
Hoyt is holding frozen vegetable to his head. He tells Jessica that he feels stupid. He says that he's melted all the fruits and vegetables and now has to tough out his swollen eye. Jessica offers to feed him her blood, saying that living with a vampire has perks, but he says he doesn't need any of that "shit". Jessica is offended that he called her blood shit and takes his keys, claiming that she is going to get him some Advil. Instead of driving towards the Bon Temps town center to get Advil, she drives to Shreveport to go to Fangtasia instead.

That's the calming influence of that asian pussy at work. - Lafayette
Tara surprises Lafayette and Jesus right as they're leaving. She asks if they're going to a gay thing and when Lafayette says a Wiccan thing, she asks if he's serious. Lafayette asks if she's going or not and she decides she might as well.

Thank you for coming. - Bill
Eric comes to see Bill at Bill's request. Bill asks if Eric will sell Sookie's house to either her or Bill, but Eric refuses. Bill tells Eric about the coven in town, and how they're necromancers. Bill orders Eric to handle them himself, reminding Eric that if they can control the dead, the can control vampires. Eric promises to handle it tonight.

Now go clean yourself up ... you're covered in queen. - Nan
Bill has another flashback, this time of his fight with Queen Sophie Ann. When she throws him back, humans armed with guns with wooden bullets and silver cores come in and he orders them to shot her. Queen Sophie Ann explodes and Nan comes in. It turns out Nan was behind the team of human gunmen. Nan comments that this seems personal to Bill and Bill says that he was sent to investigate Sookie, but there is nothing special about her. Nan appoints Bill king, while also saying that if Bill is lying about Sookie, the same thing that happened to Queen Sophie Ann will happen to him.

Did I miss somethin'? Are we girls now? Did we join a book club and read some queer chick-lit memoir so now we’re bonded together by estrogen or sisterhood or some other feminist drivel? - Pam

I don't do book clubs. - Sookie
Sookie is in an office at Fangtasia, trying to convince Pam to persuade Eric to sell Sookie back her house. Pam tells Sookie that she shouldn't have expected her to side with Sookie. Pam advises her to reconsider Eric's offer because if she doesn't belong to somebody, she won't exist at all. Pam tells Sookie that Eric really cares for her in his own way. Sookie says that she will never be Eric's puppet and Pam says that's a shame because Eric "pulls good string". Sookie says that she'll wait for Eric to return to Fangtasia. Jessica arrives at Fangtasia and finds the guy that hit on her the last time she was there.

What we accomplished last night was ... remarkable. - Holly
The witch coven is meeting again, excited about resurrecting the bird. The members ask what they're going to bring back next and Marnie tells them a person. Some of the witches are appalled by the idea, but some accept it. Tara decides that she'll wait outside.

What's the most fucked up thing I ever shifted into? - Susanne
The shifters are out again and are talking about the most unusual thing they've ever shifted into. Luna confesses that she once shifted into her mother, who died giving birth to her, explaining that she heard legends of the "skin walkers" growing up. Skin walkers can shift into any animal, including humans, but they must kill another shifter in their family in order to be able to do so. They hear another shifter and Sam chases down Tommy.

Everyone here is completely insane. - Tara
Tara is outside the witch coven, waiting for Lafayette and Jesus, and calls Naomi to tell her she misses her. Inside, Lafayette asks where they are going to find a dead body to resurrect and Eric arrives, as if on cue.

What are you doing here? - Sookie
Jason takes the fang banger to the bathroom and feeds on him. Sookie is also in the bathroom, and hears them. When Sookie calls out Jessica's name, Jessica comes out of the stall. Sookie asks if Hoyt knows about this and Jessica says she can eat who she wants. Jessica tells Sookie to stop acting like her stepmother, especially after how she treated Bill, saying that Bill still mourned her and still does. Sookie storms out of Fangtasia, telling the protestors outside to make up a new chant, before getting into her car.

What happened to your limp? - Sam
Sam discovers that Tommy is faking his injury and Tommy realizes that Sam isn't in anger management. Tommy confesses that he'd like to have a relationship with Sam, but Sam laughs because neither one trusts the other. They both hear the other shifters coming, and Tommy runs off.

I'm told your leader's name is Marnie. - Eric
Eric asks which witch is Marnie, and she admits that she is the leader of the coven. He says that this will be their last meeting and he will know if they try to meet behind his back. Marnie asks whats in it for her, Eric says that it's not a negotiation and Lafayette tells Marnie that Eric tends to get his way. Marnie has everyone join hands, but Eric grabs her, asking why she couldn't of just taken the deal. He starts feeding on her, but Tara returns and grabs a stake to save Marnie. Eric releases Marnie and grabs Tara instead, Holly takes over for Marnie with a chant and Lafayette joins in when he sees that Tara is in trouble. Wind starts blowing in the room and all the candles go out. Marnie gets up and starts her own chant and Eric looks around confused and runs out of the door. Marnie then asks what happened, like she wasn't even there.

Eric lost
We gonna make a baby. - Felton
Jason tells Felton that if he is going to kill him that he should just do it now. Crystal says that they aren't going to kill him and that instead they're going to make a baby. Crystal tells Jason that Felton is shooting blanks, but Felton says they aren't sure, but that it isn't working. Crystal says that they have to turn Jason into a were-panther first, to make sure that they make a panther baby. Jason begs them not to, but both change and start biting Jason.

You know me! - Sookie
Sookie is driving home alone and sees Eric wandering down the road. She pulls up beside him, but he doesn't recognize her. Sookie tells him that he knows her, but he denies it and instead asks her why she smells so good.


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